What's a Good Name?
(Another breakfast with Billy Wayne and Joe Eddy)
At their usual table on a regular Wednesday in June, Billy Wayne and Joe Eddy take their breakfast.
Says Joe Eddy, “I stopped at Starbucks in Greenville on my way to the Fort Worth auction yesterday.”
“Yeah,” answers Billy Wayne. “You weren’t here. It was discombobulating.”
“You mean disconcerting.”
“I mean disorienting. Stop dissin’ on my disses.”
“I see you brought your Junior High selves to breakfast,” sighs Lucille the Waitress, while filling thick ceramic cups with piping hot, black-as-sin coffee. “Keep it up with the disses, and I will have you doing the dishes for breakfast.”
“You like it,” Billy Wayne winks. “I’ll have the usual.”
“That’s a relief, since I put in your order the minute I saw your lanky frame climbing out of your old truck, which needs a good washing, by the way.”
“Anyway,” snorts Joe Eddy.
Billy Wayne smirks. “Anyhow…”
“So, anyhow, I give the purple-haired girl my order in the drive-thru, though I didn’t learn of her hair color until I reached the window, and that is beside the point.”
Lucille the Waitress sticks around, one hand on her hip, the other clutching the coffee pot handle.
She is curious, of course.
“She’s all sunshine and roses — like one of those too-happy weight-loss drug ads.”
“You hate sunshine and roses,” observes Billy Wayne wryly.
“She asks me, ‘What’s a good name for the order?’”
Lucille the Waitress, “Were you able to think of one?”
“Well, I gave her my regular name, though I did consider using George Patton or Marshall Dillon or even Caesar Augustus, since I knew she wouldn’t know any of them.”
Lucille the Waitress: “I am beginning to regret standing here.”
“But the point is, it raised a question in my mind—a concern, even.”
“I figured,” says Billy Wayne.
“Why do these kids ask for a ‘good name’ or a ‘good phone number’? Are they in regular receipt of bad names and numbers? Are they afraid you are going to give them an alias or a disconnected phone line?
I began to worry that with all this online anonymity, and people being whomever they want, with fake names and made-up histories, trust has been lost. They don’t want to serve you coffee if you can’t do them the courtesy of giving them a good name.”
“I always liked the name Joe Eddy,” says Billy Wayne. “It fits ya.”
“Good Lord. Another missed point. I mean, we got ourselves a crisis of faith. Nobody believes anything they see or hear anymore. It shows up in the simplest interactions, like taking an order. I think it’s sad.”
“Well, if I knew you were gonna make me sad this morning, I woulda suggested you find another auction to attend.”
Lucille the Waitress: “I do see your point, Joe Eddy. I think you are onto something. These kids live online in the company of strangers, where danger lurks behind every fake account and unsolicited message. Least you can do is give them a good name and not fuss about it.”
“My head hurts and it ain’t the pollen this time,” complains Billy Wayne.
“Can I get a good name for the ticket, please? Whose turn is it to pay?”
“Billy Wayne,” says Joe Eddy.
“Joe Eddy,” says Billy Wayne.
Author’s Note
Billy Wayne and Joe Eddy are characters inspired by two men I saw one morning while having coffee with my grandfather. Billy Wayne is a tall, rugged Texas farmer, and Joe Eddie is a stout, meaty businessman. Lucille the Waitress could easily fit into any roadside diner. Since they are fictional, I reserve the right to put them into any era, but always in the morning over coffee with Lucille attending to them. Here is the first in the series, if you want context.
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